Principle 13: Lead by Example (Go First)

In coaching, the most powerful way to influence others is to embody the values and behaviours you wish to instil in your clients. Leading by example is not just about instructing—it’s about modelling, in a way that authentically inspires. When clients witness these values in action, it activates the “mirror neurons*” in their brains, allowing them to deeply resonate with what they observe. However, unlike mere imitation, mirror neurons require authentic expression to trigger real learning and growth. This means clients need to see coaches genuinely living the behaviours they wish to adopt, not just performing them.

When you embody values like discipline, patience, or resilience, it’s more than setting an example; you’re creating a template that clients can genuinely engage with. For instance, if a client sees you consistently taking care of your own well-being, even when it’s challenging, they don’t just observe the behaviour—they feel it on an internal level. This resonance, sparked by mirror neurons, makes it easier for them to adopt similar attitudes and actions themselves. This is why leading authentically, or going first, rather than “acting the part,” is so powerful in coaching. Clients don’t just need to be told what to do; they need to see you living it to feel the value behind it.

As Mahatma Gandhi’s life demonstrated, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” isn’t simply an ideal; it’s a model for deep, lasting influence. In the world of coaching, leading by example means showing up with integrity in every aspect of your coaching—whether it’s maintaining a balanced lifestyle, demonstrating proper techniques, or engaging clients with focus and enthusiasm. Leading in this way isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about authentically living what you teach. This authenticity triggers clients’ mirror neurons, creating an authentic, resonant template that strengthens the bond between coach and client, setting the stage for real growth.

*Mirror neurons are specialised brain cells that activate both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else performing the same action. They play a key role in learning, empathy, and understanding others by allowing us to “mirror” their behaviours and emotions internally.

Integral Theory shows us how leading by example impacts every aspect of the coaching experience:

• Individual Interior (Subjective): Internally, leading by example requires self-awareness and commitment, enabling the coach to engage authentically with clients.
• Individual Exterior (Behavioural): Outwardly, leading by example means embodying actions that clients see, feel, and connect with on a neurological level, amplifying the impact of each behaviour.
• Collective Interior (Cultural): Culturally, this approach builds trust and alignment, creating an environment where values are not just discussed but lived, encouraging clients to reflect this in their own actions.
• Collective Exterior (Systems): Structurally, leading authentically reinforces a professional standard where values and actions align, creating a sustainable foundation for effective coaching.

Leading by example is not about instructing from a distance; it’s about showing up fully, letting clients witness and feel the values you teach. This authentic approach taps into clients’ mirror neurons, creating a resonance that words alone cannot achieve. When clients observe your genuine commitment, it empowers them to adopt and internalise those qualities, making them an active part of their own growth.

Practitioner’s Insight: The Integrity Check-In

This week’s “Practitioner’s Insight” is called The Integrity Check-In, a simple exercise to ensure that your values and actions remain aligned in your coaching practice.

Practice: The Integrity Check-In

The Integrity Check-In is a weekly exercise designed to help coaches assess and reinforce the alignment between their values and behaviours.

1. Identify Core Values: Start by listing the core values you want to embody as a coach, such as discipline, empathy, respect, or commitment to health. Choose values that you genuinely believe in and wish to model for your clients.
2. Reflect on Recent Actions: Take a few moments to reflect on your actions over the past week. Consider whether these actions aligned with your core values. For example, if health is a core value, did you take care of your own well-being? If empathy is important to you, did you listen openly to your clients?
3. Address Any Gaps: If you notice any gaps between your values and your actions, make a plan to address them. Leading by example means adjusting where necessary, staying accountable to the standards you’ve set for yourself. This could mean setting aside time for self-care, re-evaluating your schedule, or committing to mindful listening.
4. Reaffirm Your Intentions: Finish by reaffirming your commitment to these values. Take a few minutes to mentally recommit, reminding yourself of why these values matter to you as a coach. This reflection builds authenticity and ensures your actions continue to align with the principles you hope to instil in your clients.

The Integrity Check-In keeps coaches grounded, helping them remain true to the qualities they teach. By leading with authenticity, coaches create an environment where clients feel motivated to mirror those same values, fostering growth through genuine inspiration.

Stretch Practice: Lead the Way Challenge

This stretch practice, “Lead the Way Challenge,” invites coaches to actively demonstrate a behaviour or value they want their clients to adopt in a visible, impactful way. The goal is to model authenticity and inspire clients through action rather than instruction.

Practice: Lead the Way Challenge

Step 1: Choose a Value or Behaviour to Model

• Identify a specific value or behaviour you want to instil in your clients, such as discipline, resilience, or self-care.
• Example: If resilience is the focus, demonstrate how you adapt positively to a challenge in your life or training.

Step 2: Share Your Experience Authentically

• During your next interaction with clients, briefly share how you’ve embodied this value recently.
  • Example: “Last week, I faced a setback in my training, but I focused on adapting my plan instead of getting discouraged. It reminded me that flexibility is part of progress.”

Step 3: Invite Reflection and Action

• Encourage clients to reflect on how they can apply this value in their own journey.
  • Example: “Where could you show resilience in your own training this week?”
• Challenge them to take one action aligned with the value and discuss their experience in your next session.

Why It Works

• Shows Authenticity: Clients resonate with genuine examples of values in action.
• Builds Trust: Demonstrating values strengthens the client-coach bond.
• Inspires Action: Clients feel empowered to mirror the behaviours they observe.

Recommended Reading

To explore how leading by example and authenticity empower coaching, consider these works:

1. “Dare to Lead” by Brené Brown
   Brown’s insights into authenticity and courageous leadership provide valuable tools for coaches aiming to lead by example, fostering trust and respect through integrity.
2. “The Leadership Challenge” by James Kouzes and Barry Posner
   This book explores the power of leading by example and provides practical strategies for inspiring others through authentic action. It offers valuable insights for coaches seeking to foster trust, engagement, and growth in their clients.

“Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action” by Simon Sinek
Sinek’s exploration of purpose-driven leadership highlights the importance of authenticity in leading others, making it a valuable resource for coaches aiming to inspire through genuine action.