Principle 14: No Failure, Only Feedback

In coaching, setbacks are inevitable, but how we interpret them makes all the difference. No Failure, Only Feedback is a guiding NLP presupposition, shifting focus away from a fear of failing and toward a growth-oriented mindset. This principle reframes every setback and success as a valuable source of information—an opportunity to adjust, learn, and move closer to sustainable success. When clients embrace this perspective, they’re less likely to become discouraged and more likely to see each challenge as an essential part of their development.

At the heart of No Failure, Only Feedback is the idea that outcomes are not fixed or final; rather, they are markers in a continual process. This aligns closely with process thinking over outcome thinking. Outcome thinking often labels results as “success” or “failure,” creating a rigid expectation of what “should” happen. Process thinking, however, keeps clients focused on growth, adaptability, and long-term incremental learning. By encouraging clients to see each result as feedback, we help them engage fully with their journey, allowing each step—whether challenging or easy—to provide useful insights.

Imagine an artist working on a painting. They don’t see each brushstroke as “right” or “wrong”; instead, each one informs the next, contributing to the final piece. Similarly, each setback or indeed success that a client faces can guide their next step, offering practical feedback on what works and what may need adjustment. When a client misses a goal, for instance, rather than interpreting it as failure, they can look at the experience as feedback: What factors influenced the outcome? How could their approach be adapted? By viewing setbacks in this way, clients can remain engaged with their growth, recognising that every result is part of the larger process of learning. The same can be said for successes.

In Jay’s business The Coaching Room, we have a saying “Your failures are the greatest potential for success, and your success is your greatest potential failure”. What do we mean? We mean that failures hold the seeds of growth and learning, offering the greatest opportunities for success when approached with curiosity and resilience. Conversely, success can lead to complacency, which becomes the greatest potential for failure if we stop evolving and challenging ourselves.

This principle also aligns with other key mindsets we’ve covered, such as adopting a Growth Mindset (Principle 2) and Embracing Curiosity (Principle 12). With a No Failure, Only Feedback approach, clients develop resilience, learning to see each challenge as an opportunity to refine and strengthen their strategies.

Integral Theory highlights how this perspective impacts all areas of development:

• Individual Interior (Subjective): Internally, viewing setbacks and successes as feedback cultivates resilience, helping clients build self-awareness and a willingness to adapt, learn and grow.
• Individual Exterior (Behavioural): Outwardly, this mindset encourages clients to take action without fear, knowing each attempt contributes to their growth.
• Collective Interior (Cultural): Culturally, No Failure, Only Feedback fosters a supportive coaching environment where clients feel safe to try new things and learn openly.
• Collective Exterior (Systems): Structurally, this principle supports the creation of systems that reward effort and adaptability, reinforcing learning over rigid success metrics.

By helping clients adopt the No Failure, Only Feedback mindset, we support them in developing the resilience, flexibility, and focus that will sustain their growth. Each experience, regardless of outcome, becomes a stepping stone, guiding them toward success through continuous refinement.

Practitioner’s Insight: The Feedback Journal

This week’s “Practitioner’s Insight” introduces The Feedback Journal, a tool for helping clients reframe setbacks and track the learning they gain from each experience.

Practice: The Feedback Journal

The Feedback Journal helps clients consciously engage with setbacks, turning each experience into a source of insight.

1. Record the Experience: Encourage clients to jot down any setbacks they experience, whether it’s a missed goal, a challenging session, or a dip in motivation. This creates a record of events they can learn from, rather than simply “moving past” the experience.
2. Identify the Feedback: Ask clients to view the experience as information, not as a final judgment. Encourage them to ask questions like, “What did this teach me?” or “What small changes could I make next time?” This helps them see the feedback without attaching judgment.
3. Apply Process Thinking: Invite clients to explore how this feedback fits into the bigger process. Remind them that each setback is part of the journey and that adjustments are key. By seeing each experience as a process, they remain focused on long-term progress.
4. Reflect and Commit: At the end of each week, ask clients to review their Feedback Journal. Encourage them to reflect on how they used feedback and what they learned from it. Then, invite them to commit to a small adjustment for the coming week, based on their reflections.

The Feedback Journal helps clients turn setbacks into growth opportunities, grounding each experience in learning and reflection. As they build this habit, they develop a process-focused mindset that views every challenge as part of their evolving success.

Stretch Practice: The “Fail Forward” Challenge

This stretch practice, “Fail Forward,” encourages clients to actively seek small challenges where the risk of failure is present but manageable. The goal is to help them embrace failure as a learning opportunity, reframing setbacks as steps toward growth.

Step 1: Identify a Stretch Goal

• Ask clients to choose an activity or goal that feels slightly outside their comfort zone—something that carries a risk of failure but is not overwhelming.
  • Example: Trying a new personal best in a workout, experimenting with an unfamiliar technique, or presenting an idea in a team meeting.

Step 2: Take the Leap

• Encourage clients to attempt the stretch goal with a focus on the experience rather than the outcome.
• Remind them that the aim isn’t perfection but exploration and learning.

Step 3: Capture the Feedback

• After the attempt, guide clients to reflect on the experience:
  • “What worked well?”
  • “What didn’t go as planned?”
  • “What did you learn about yourself or your approach?”

Step 4: Reframe and Adjust

• Help clients reframe the experience by identifying the value in what they learned.
  • Example: “Missing my personal best taught me that I need to focus more on pacing during the lift.”
• Encourage them to make one small adjustment based on their feedback and try again.

Step 5: Share the Growth

• At the next session, invite clients to share their experience and what they learned from “failing forward.”
• Highlight how taking risks and learning from setbacks contributes to long-term success.

Why It Works

• Normalises Failure: Clients learn to see failure as a natural and necessary part of growth.
• Builds Resilience: By practising recovery from setbacks, clients develop mental and emotional strength.
• Encourages Experimentation: Taking risks fosters creativity and adaptability.

Recommended Reading

To explore the concept of No Failure, Only Feedback and the power of a growth-oriented mindset, consider these resources:

1. “Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People” by Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour
   This foundational NLP text introduces key presuppositions, including No Failure, Only Feedback, providing insights into how mindset influences personal growth and success.
2. “The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph” by Ryan Holiday
   Holiday’s exploration of resilience demonstrates how obstacles can become stepping stones, reinforcing the power of using challenges as learning tools.

“Black Box Thinking: Why Most People Never Learn from Their Mistakes—But Some Do” by Matthew Syed
This book explores the value of failure as a tool for learning and growth, offering insights into how embracing mistakes can lead to innovation and success. It aligns perfectly with the No Failure, Only Feedback principle.