Principle 15: Walk the Talk (Congruence is Key)

By adopting No Failure, Only Feedback, clients transform setbacks into tools for continuous growth. With each challenge reframed as an opportunity to learn, they build resilience and keep moving forward. Next, we’ll explore Walk the Talk: Align your actions with your coaching principles. Integrity builds trust and respect.

Principle 15: Walk the Talk (Congruence is Key)

In coaching, aligning actions with values is the true measure of integrity. Walking the Talk means living the principles you teach, creating a seamless connection between what you say and what you do. The concept of walking the talk taps into the psychological effect of congruence and coherence—when our actions align with our words, it creates internal stability and external trust. Clients sense this alignment; they can intuitively feel when a coach’s actions genuinely reflect their words. When coaches live by their values, clients experience this integrity as a powerful, trustworthy example.

Mirror neurons also offer insight into this. Neuroscience research shows that when we observe someone performing an action with authenticity, it activates these neurons, resonating deeply with us. This goes beyond simple imitation; when clients see a coach genuinely embody qualities like discipline, resilience, or compassion, it creates a sense of connection and respect, which motivates clients to develop those qualities themselves. It’s not about “acting” the part; it’s about embodying it, which gives clients a model they can meaningfully aspire to.

Imagine a coach as a craftsman who doesn’t just instruct but demonstrates their craft with care, attention, and genuine investment. Just as an apprentice learns as much from the master’s passion as from the technique itself, clients internalise values through watching their coach navigate challenges and live the principles they teach. This congruence and coherence set a standard that clients naturally begin to reflect in their own lives, making alignment with values a shared experience.

Integral Theory shows how Walk the Talk influences the coaching relationship across all dimensions:

• Individual Interior (Subjective): Internally, walking the talk fosters self-awareness and a commitment to personal growth, creating inner coherence and psychological congruence.
• Individual Exterior (Behavioural): Outwardly, this alignment is visible through behaviours clients can observe and resonate with on a neurological level.
• Collective Interior (Cultural): Culturally, a coach who lives their values establishes a foundation of trust, where clients feel honoured, inspired, and supported to pursue similar alignment.
• Collective Exterior (Systems): Structurally, leading with integrity reinforces ethical practices, creating a coaching environment where actions align with shared values and purpose.

Walking the talk is about more than instruction; it’s about embodying the values you express and communicate, so that clients can witness congruence and feel motivated to mirror these qualities in their own lives.

Practitioner’s Insight: The Congruence Check

This week’s “Practitioner’s Insight” introduces The Congruence Check, a practical exercise to help coaches assess and strengthen alignment between their values and actions, enhancing integrity and coherence.

Practice: The Congruence Check

The Congruence Check is a regular exercise to keep actions aligned with values, helping coaches model integrity authentically.

1. Define Core Actions to Embody: Identify specific actions that reflect the core values you wish to model, such as self-discipline, resilience, or active listening. Describe how each value should look in practice, from your daily routine to client interactions.
2. Observe Alignment in Real Time: Each day, as you engage with clients, observe moments when you actively demonstrate these actions. Notice the responses from clients, the energy it creates, and whether these actions feel authentic.
3. Explore Moments of Incongruence: If there are times when you don’t fully embody a value (e.g., cutting a session short when patience is a core value), reflect on why. Congruence requires ongoing awareness and self-correction; consider what adjustments will help align your actions more closely with your principles.
4. Commit to One Actionable Change: Based on your reflections, choose one small change to reinforce your alignment. If demonstrating respect for clients’ time is a core value, make a point of starting and finishing sessions on time. These small commitments keep integrity alive in daily practice.

The Congruence Check grounds your coaching practice in awareness and alignment, allowing clients to see values expressed authentically. This consistency builds trust, providing clients with a model they can respect and reflect in their own growth.

Stretch Practice: The Integrity Spotlight

This stretch practice, “The Integrity Spotlight,” challenges coaches to bring conscious attention to one specific behaviour or value they want to model in their daily interactions. It focuses on strengthening congruence by actively embodying this value in real-time situations.

Step 1: Choose a Value to Spotlight

• Select one core value you want to embody more visibly, such as patience, discipline, or compassion.
  • Example: If discipline is the focus, commit to demonstrating consistency in your routines or showing up on time for every session.

Step 2: Plan a Visible Action

• Identify one concrete action that clearly reflects this value.
  • Example: For patience, commit to listening without interrupting during every client interaction that day.

Step 3: Reflect During the Day

• Throughout the day, observe how embodying this value feels and how others respond.
  • Ask yourself: “Did my actions align with my chosen value? How did my clients or colleagues react?”

Step 4: Self-Correct as Needed

• If you notice moments of incongruence, pause and consider how you could realign.
  • Example: If you find yourself rushing through a conversation, take a breath and refocus on being present and patient.

Step 5: Review and Adjust

• At the end of the day, reflect on your experience:
  • “How did spotlighting this value impact my interactions?”
  • “What adjustments could I make to better embody this value tomorrow?”

Why It Works

• Promotes Awareness: Actively focusing on one value highlights areas of strength and growth.
• Builds Trust: Clients resonate with visible, authentic actions, strengthening their connection to you.
• Encourages Alignment: The practice reinforces the link between intention and behaviour, deepening integrity.

Recommended Reading

To explore how congruence and coherence build integrity and trust, consider these resources:

1. “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by Don Miguel Ruiz
   Ruiz’s book explores four guiding principles, including integrity and authenticity, which are essential for leading with genuine influence.
2. “Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth” by Brad Blanton
   Blanton’s work on honesty offers practical guidance on integrity and living authentically, valuable for coaches aiming to lead through genuine action.
3. “The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything” by Stephen M.R. Covey
   This book explores how trust is built and sustained through integrity and aligned actions. Covey offers practical insights into how congruence strengthens relationships and enhances leadership, making it an ideal companion for this principle.